Lessons Learned

Tuesday January 3, 2023

Now that I’ve reached my goal of One Year Without, I’d like to take some time to reflect on what I’ve learned from being alcohol-free for a year:

1. Being alcohol-free is cool. As alcohol is so pervasive in our society and culture, choosing to be alcohol-free is rebellious, the path less travelled, and goes against the grain. Although some might scoff at, make fun of, or generally belittle your efforts to be alcohol free, I’m positive that deep down they’re secretly envious and wish that they were able to do the same. As so many people are dependent on alcohol to have a good time or enjoy life, someone who shuns it completely and still seems to be having a good time is the pinnacle of cool. That’s just my opinion anyway and I’m sticking to it.
2. None of us really need alcohol at all. Once you’ve been alcohol-free for a few months, gotten over the withdrawal, and flushed all of the toxins out of your body, you realize that it was mostly the alcohol itself that created the desire and need for more alcohol. Of course there are environmental triggers that create cravings, like being on a beach vacation in Jamaica last week with the hubby and feeling some pretty significant cravings for the first time in months. But as I’ve said before, those feelings always pass and you realize that alcohol is not something your body needs at all to feel good. In fact, most of the time you’re drinking it’s to try and get yourself back to a state of normal and to relieve the withdrawal symptoms. Alcohol is addictive and that’s how addictive substances work.
3. Being alcohol-free I’ve had much fewer very high highs, and very low lows. As a regular drinker I felt like I was always swinging between flying high like I was cloud hopping and my body pumping full of adrenaline as my heart raced to the point that I felt manic and so low that I despised myself and just wanted to disappear. After a year being alcohol-free my feelings and moods are much more stable. Sometimes I miss the excitement of the super high highs, but then I remember the crashing down lows that always followed and I’m content with my newfound stability. Also, because I no longer experience the superficial, chemical-induced highs, the moments of true happiness and joy are so much deeper and more meaningful. On the rare occasion that I feel sadness, I know that it’s for a reason and not just a mood swing so I take the time to sort through it and honour my feelings.
4. I may not need mood stabilizing medication anymore. I’ve been on anti-anxiety/anti-depressant medication for most of my adult life. Over the past five months I’ve slowly been tapering off the meds and as of a week ago I’m off it completely. I’ve attempted this many times before over the last 20 years but never been successful until now. Previously I would always melt into a blubbering mess and go right back on them again. I had concluded long ago that I would probably have to be on these medications for the rest of my life. When my doctor suggested in August that perhaps now that I’m alcohol-free I would have more success going off my meds, I was willing to try but didn’t have high hopes. I reduced to a half dose four months ago and now I’m down to zero and feeling strong and stable. One of the scariest truths about all of this is the realization that perhaps it was the alcohol problem that created the mental health problem. It may be time to dismantle a long-held belief about myself that deep down I’m just broken.
5. I’m a better person without alcohol in my life. When alcohol is your main focus, it’s hard to make others in your life a priority. Since giving up alcohol I feel that I have much more time and energy to focus on the things that really matter. I think I’m a better partner, friend, sister, daughter, colleague and employee. I know that in the past, there were so many things that fell to the wayside because of my singular focus on alcohol. Removing alcohol from my life has made me a kinder, more giving and loving person. I realize the importance of spending time with and honouring family and friends and feel that I’ve wasted a lot of precious time on alcohol that I won’t get back. Looking forward I plan to continue trying to nurture those relationships and making the most of the time I have with loved ones.

That’s it for now. Sorry this was such a long one but I have a lot to say as I reflect on the last year and think about my next steps moving forward and continuing to be alcohol free. It’s honestly the best decision I’ve ever made and I have a lot to be thankful for.

xo